"If you travel, do it smart. I need as many of you alive to buy as many things as possible. It's a cycle, you see, shaped like a pyramid."

“Typing up a detailed news post at this moment would not further the goals of my great society. Stay tuned for ideological update.”

“I suppose their thinking is that since ideas can be dangerous, there should be limits on which ideas are expressed. Which is only the foundation of fascism. Thanks, government!”

“I thought it's only been three days. Hard to tell without sunlight.”

“Today is the day that we, as Americans, celebrate our Independence Day from the aliens who invaded our world, presumably for conquest of some kind. Or that's my understanding at least, as I cannot read.”

“LA is a hole where everything good goes to die. Every year I come here, it's like a contest to see how short I can cut the trip for the next year. Eventually I'm just going to run inside, take a picture, and fly home. The next year I'll just rent some time on a satellite and get pics from orbit. But everything is shiny.”

“I ate soup from a bowl made of bread. This is the kind of heady decadance that will be detailed in the webcomic history books. My decline into soupy madness will be but a footnote of the 8BT story, itself a footnote. But the bread, man. You can eat your soup, and then eat the bowl. There's no turning back now. A decent life in the light of, uh, decency is behind me. Now it's wall-to-wall bread bowls and hookers.”