"Every time I see some piece of medical research saying that caffeine is good for you, I high-five myself. Because I'm going to live forever."

“Standards are paper. I use paper to wipe my butt every day. That's how much that paper is worth.”

“When you say, "I wrote a program that crashed Windows," people just stare at you blankly and say, "Hey, I got those with the system, for free.”

“It looks like the IT security world has hit a new low. If you work in security, and think you have some morals, I think you might want to add the tag-line "No, really, I'm not a whore. Pinky promise" to your business card. Because I thought the whole industry was corrupt before, but it's getting ridiculous. At what point will security people admit they have an attention-whoring problem?”

“You try to claim that the GPLv3 causes "More developers", and that, my idiotic penpal, is just crazy talk that you made up.”

“A lot of people still like Solaris, but I'm in active competition with them, and so I hope they die.”

“Whoever came up with "hold the shift key for eight seconds to turn on 'your keyboard is buggered' mode" should be shot.”