"In the old days, they put idiots in the village stocks. Now we put them on the Today programme."

“How we can possibly be giving a billion pounds a month when we're in this sort of debt to bongo bongo land is completely beyond me. To buy Ray-Ban sunglasses, apartments in Paris, Ferraris and all the rest of it that goes with most of the foreign aid. F18s for Pakistan. We need a new squadron of F18s. Who's got the squadrons? Pakistan, where we send the money.”

“I'm not a wishy-washy Tory. I don't do political correctness. The fact that the Guardian is reporting this will probably double my vote in the north of England.”

“I am always deeply suspicious of received wisdom. As far as I am concerned man-made global warming is nothing more than a hypothesis that hasn't got any basis in fact. Every day more scientists are modifying their initial views. Recently 60 German scientists wrote to Chancellor Angela Merkel saying there was no proof for carbon causing global warming.”

“Look, my job is to upset The Guardian and the BBC. I love it, I love it.”

“You can torture people to death but you jolly well can't give them a full life sentence because that's against their human rights. We can't hang them because we're now a member of the European Union and it's embedded in the treaty of Rome. It's a personal thing but I'd hang the bastards myself. Especially for some of these, especially for the guy who hacked the soldier to death. I do hope they would ask me to throw the rope over the beam because I'd be delighted to do so.”