"The bandit wore a werewolf mask" - Attempted Armed Robbery"

“From now on, I'm staying away from fatty foods, by eating healthy foods, and going on a strict diet”

“Suck a polar bear's funky ass!" - Suck a Cheetah's Dick”

“Number 1. I'm gonna do this song again. Number 2. I'm gonna do this song again all the way up your ass. Number 3. I'm gonna fuck your ass up like in a car crash. Number 4. I'm gonna fuck you up like a goddamn accident. Number 5. Jesus is the answer!”

“Dale Dunkey shot my house up / He shot it up to get rid of the termites / He then shot at me with his BB gun" - The Termites Ate My House Up”

“Here's what I'm going to have to say to all of you. If some of you have demons in your head who talk to you in profanity or whatever, don't let your demon shoot down your rock music, don't let your demon keep you off the joy bus. So like I say, Rock music pays off.”

“It was Sunday, March 12th, 2000 at 6:20 PM / I was about to fly from Chicago-Midway to Orlando, Florida / Suddenly my mean schizophrenic demon called me a jerk / Suddenly I yelled 'FUCK YOU' on the airplane" - My Keyboard Got Damaged”