"A State of Mind. Woke up perhaps at 3. Oh its beginning it coming – the horror – physically like a painful wave swelling about the heart – tossing me up. I'm unhappy unhappy! Down – God, I wish I were dead. Pause. But why am I feeling like this? Let me watch the wave rise. I watch. Vanessa. Children. Failure. Yes, I detect that. Failure failure. . Oh they laughed at my taste in green paint. Wave crashes. I wish I were dead! I've only a few years to live I hope. I can't face this horror any more – . This goes on; several times, with varieties of horror. Then, at the crisis, instead of the pain remaining intense, it becomes rather vague. I doze. I wake with a start. The wave again! The irrational pain: the sense of failure; generally some specific incident, as for example my taste in green paint, or buying a new dress, or asking Dadie for the week-end, tacked on. At last I say, watching as dispassionately as I can, Now take a pull of yourself. No more of this. I shove to throw to batter down. I begin to march blindly forward. I feel obstacles go down. I say it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I become rigid and straight, and sleep again, and half wake and feel the wave beginning and watch the light whitening and wonder how, this time, breakfast and daylight will overcome it; and then hear L. in the passage and simulate, for myself as well as for him, great cheerfulness; and generally am cheerful, by the time breakfast is over. Does everyone go through this state? Why have I so little control? It is the case of much waste and pain in my life."
React to this quote
More by Virginia Woolf
See allResonant Thoughts
"Slavery is the great political question of the nation. Though all desire its settlement, it still remains the all-pervading question of the day. It has been so especially for the past six years. It is…"
"World Health Organization did a massive worldwide study of secondhand smoke, and they found it has no impact at all, zilch, zero, nada, and it was suppressed. You can't find it. We have it, we kept it…"
Explore Further
Related Quotes
"I may not be the expert as some people on foreign policy, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."
— Mike Huckabee"The experience of past wars shows that the first use of a new technical or tactical method of attack is usu…"
— Andrei Sakharov"Where neoliberal rules have been observed since the ’70s, economic performance has generally deteriorated a…"
— Noam Chomsky"We are not able to determine, with any certainty, whether those troops, that have taken post above King's B…"
— Nathanael Greene"The future was not what it used to be."
— K. A. Bedford"The external appearance of any construction projects that are created during the time of the National Socia…"
— Fritz Todt
