"I like three-legged dogs, because if I was missing a leg I would be like: „URGH, life sucks when missing a leg. Slow down! I can't walk that fast, I'm missing a freaking leg!!“ And dogs? No! A three legged dog is on it. Exactly the same amount of happy as a four-legged dog! That's why I like three-legged dogs. They have taken their three-leggedness and they embrace it."

“So you go on and on, with this intellectual fly down, your underwear exposed, and toilette paper hanging out the back of your pants.”

“We often just accept the things that we like and complain a lot about the things that we don't like. But if we could, like, intensely dwell on the really great things in life the way we intensely dwell on the negative things in life. I think that would be fantastic.”

“The way that we look does not have anything to do with the way that we sound, or the way that we are.”

“So the president is like, "Well, once upon a time it was Congress's job to decide whether or not we attacked countries, so let's let them decide." Which is funny, because, as we all know, if Congress were on fire, Congress could not pass the "Pour Water on Congress Act.”

“It's almost as if our society values opinion more than it values knowledge.”

“If you were a crayon, what color would you most like to make out with?”