Ben Croshaw

"Yeah, I haven't updated in a while. What are you going to do about it, motherfucker? Oh yeah, you know your place."

"Also, you can't prove that there isn't a ghost of Bagpuss hovering right behind your head as you read this. He's right there, man! No, he disappeared right after you turned your head. I swear he's the…"

"The curtains were drawn, and the only source of light - indeed, the object to which my attention was suddenly exclusively drawn - was a lit candle on the kitchen table, that had probably originally be…"

"Evoking fear is, in itself, an art form – and nothing in the entire history of storytelling has explored it better than video games."

"Did we learn nothing from Terminator 3? Apart from the fact that Arnold Schwarzeneggar can act in the same way that octopi can figure skate."

"Yes, I have been harvested by mainstream media for whatever time remains for television to still be called 'mainstream' before the internet destroys it once and for all."

"Thinking about morality. If you had to choose, would you save one baby or five old people? What if the baby had a Hitler moustache?"

"Well, I know what I would do if I temporarily found that the minds of Ms. Croft and I had switched. Firstly I would dress up in all the clothes I could find in her wardrobe, place a full-length dress …"