Chuck Klosterman

"Whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relat…"

"Every time you talk to this person, you lie."

"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The la…"

"If rain was God crying, I think God was drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus."

"You and this person once competed for the same woman, and you both failed."

"If you meet someone who has the same first name as this person, you immediately like them less."

"Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you."

"We all concede that 'they' rule 'us'. But here is the secret shame of that amorphous entity that makes us all cower in shame: 'they' are losers. 'They' are failures. 'They' don't realize that life is-…"