Joe Orton

"Prentice: This appalling situation is the result of my lax moral code. It's clean living and Teach Yourself Woodwork for me from now on!"

"I was approached to do a film script for the Beatles. I said it would have to be an absolutely original script. Paul McCartney said do whatever you like. I said that means you'll never be able to do i…"

"Usual messages from the heads of the establishment. The Queen from Windsor, the Pope from Rome: Pilate and Caiaphas celebrating the birth of Christ."

"Fay: Your explanation had the ring of truth about it.. Naturally I disbelieved every word."

"On the bus going home I heard a most fascinating conversation between an old man and woman. "What a thing, though," the old woman said. "You'd hardly credit it." "She's always made a fuss of the whole…"

"On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, "Melancholia? Ad nauseam."

"Mrs Prentice: Have you taken up transvestism? I'd no idea our marriage teetered on the edge of fashion."

"Geraldine: At least give me back my clothes. I feel naked without them."