Comedian

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🇬🇧Sacha Baron Cohen

Entertainment

b. 1971

"Thank you to every American who has not sued me so far."

"All jokes about religion cause offence, so it's pointless apologising for them."

"I think that if you get too close to the character, if you do too much historical research, you may find yourself defending your view of a character against the author's view, and I think that's terribly dangerous."

"A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be."

"I don't really know how to thank the Academy for this. And if I try we'll be here till Christmas. So I better get on..."

"Eternity is very long, especially towards the end."

"WOKING To enter the kitchen with the precise determination to perform something only to forget what it is just before you do it."

"Christians... get Christmas under control. Seriously. It won't stop! It doesn't stop, does it? It's always Christmas now! Make it the whole year! It's the only time you pricks are happy!"

"I happen to think that videogames are an ideal means to help broaden the imaginations of young people."

"First and foremost, I'm a feminist. And basically that stems from a strong belief that all people and creatures deserve equal opportunity, rights and respect."

"Children internalize their parents' unhappiness. Fortunately, they absorb our contentment just as readily."

"According to reports, Britney Spears has told family and close friends that she and her new husband Kevin Federline are expecting their first child. So far, no word on whether it will be a pimp or a ho."

"The actual quote attributed to Russell is, "Everything is vague to a degree you do not realise till you have tried to make it precise."

"I said to a guy, I said, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful?", and he said, "Well, it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

"Devious, underachieving, school-hating, irreverent, clever."

"There are some issues I'm more conservative on. As a parent, I'm concerned that there are so many young, young, young kids — like 12 years old — that are starting to have sex."

"There are two thoughts that will ensure success in all you do; Don't tell everything you know, and until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass."

"When I've gotten criticism, it's that it's too long, too soft, didn't hit the government hard enough. Then when I do hit the government, they go, "What's he doing hitting the government?"

"Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul."

"It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not."

"Bruce Lee’s first filmed fight scene of his career, was fighting me as Robin on Batman. Because we were friends, we sparred together,"

"It's flattering being compared to Will Smith because he's successful and brilliant at what he does and he's a nice and funny guy. But at the end of the day, I want to be known as Richard Blackwood."

"A comedian goes out and hits people right on. A clown uses pathos. He can be funny, then turn right around and reach people and touch them with what life is like."

"They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest."

"I've stopped smoking... I think the cost was a lot of it, and not being able to breathe. I first gave up smoking when I was eight."

🇺🇸Larry the Cable Guy

Entertainment

b. 1963

"You ever go eat breakfast at Denny's, and then go to the toilet and sit in there so long you gotta order lunch from the stool? You ever do that? Now I know why they call it the Grand Slam."

"The loneliness of Hester and Freddie certainly struck a chord with me. I’ve been the independent one in a relationship, but I’ve also been the one who wanted just a circle of two."

"Q - If your children ever ask you, “why do bad things happen to good people?” what will you tell them?"

"My mother didn’t try to stab my father until I was six."

"Man, I feel as though I'm standing on magic legs in a special effects process shot that is too unbelievable to imagine and far too costly to make a reality."

"He is one of those rare people who manages to be lugubriously sexy - like a well-hung eel. -- Emma Thompson"

"I have a pretty good idea what is funny but if you do it twice in one day in front of a live audience. They will let you know if they like it or not."

"New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him."

"If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."

"I'm not looking for much , I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet."

"I got turned down for a role on UPN and I was really, really down… now how sad is that to be depressed for not getting a role on UPN?"

"LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"

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