"Whenever my patient begins to count the carriages in her funeral procession I subtract 50 per cent from the curative power of medicines."

“The true adventurer goes forth aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate. A fine example was the Prodigal Son—when he started back home.”

“Perhaps there is no happiness in life so perfect as the martyr's.”

“A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.”

“Not very long ago some one invented the assertion that there were only "Four Hundred" people in New York City who were really worth noticing. But a wiser man has arisen — the census taker — and his larger estimate of human interest has been preferred in marking out the field of these little stories of the "Four Million.”

“Kerner's father was worth a couple of millions. He was willing to stand for art, but he drew the line at the factory girl. So Kerner disinherited his father and walked out to a cheap studio and lived on sausages for breakfast and on Farroni for dinner.”

“Broadway — the great sluice that washes out the dust of the gold-mines of Gotham.”