"There is no me. I do not exist … There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed."

“Criticism should be done by critics, and a critic should have some training and some love of the medium he is discussing. But these days, gossip-columnist training seems to be enough qualification. I suppose an ability to stand on your feet through interminable cocktail parties and swig interminable gins in between devouring masses of fried prawns may just possibly help you to understand and appreciate what a director is getting at, but for the life of me I can't see how.”

“Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.”

“I'm a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I'm working.”

“The Unknown Peter Sellers”

“To see me as a person on screen would be one of the dullest experiences you could ever wish to experience.”

“Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle!”