"Here's a rule I recommend. Never practice two vices at once."

“The cynic says "blessed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be disappointed." I say "blessed is he who expecteth everything, for he can't always be disappointed.”

“Films of the Golden Age: Tallulah Bankhead”

“No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the identification of Tallulah's husband. It's tough enough to be bogged down in a legend. It would be even tougher to marry one.”

“If you really want to help the American theater, don't be an actress, dahling. Be an audience.”

“I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.”

“Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw, and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.”