"The Seven Deadly Habits of External Control: Blaming, Criticizing, Complaining, Nagging, Threatening, Punishing, and Bribing ."

“If you depend on the widespread lover's delusion, 'With my love he or she will change,' you have little chance to help yourself. This delusion is external control to the maximum. If things are not good from the beginning, they are very likely to change, but not for the better.”

“When a client says, It's hard to say, he usually knows what's really going on but doesn't want to talk about it....I break through that reluctance by acting as if it wasn't there. 'Well, say it anyway. This is the place to say hard-to-say-things.”

“Drugs provide pleasure; they cannot provide happiness. For happiness, you need people.”

“We would be much better off getting rid of the psychology that is causing so much misery than looking for chemicals that make us feel better but do nothing to solve our loneliness.”

“Brain drugs may make us feel better, but they do not solve the problems that led us to feel miserable”

“is based on choice theory and focuses on improving present relationships, almost always disregards past relationships, and depends for its success on creating a good relationship between the client and the counselor.”