"I wouldn't read the book, and I'll tell you why. I wouldna read Mein Kampf either. If I were going to UNC in 1941, and you, professor, said read Mein Kampf, I woulda said, "Hey, professor, with all due respect, shove it. I ain't reading it."

“Winston Churchill said that democracy was the worst possible form of government, except for all the others. Maybe we can say the same about capitalism. For all of its faults, it gives most hardworking people a chance to improve themselves economically, even as the deck is stacked in favor of the privileged few... Here are the choices most of us face in such a system: Get bitter or get busy.”

“I'll tell you why it's not a scam, in my opinion, all right? Tide goes in, tide goes out, never a miscommunication. You can't explain that.”

“We'll do it live... WE'LL DO IT LIVE! DO IT LIVE... look, I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing SUCKS!”

“There is no question that Whoopi Goldberg's foolish comments at a John Kerry fundraiser hurt Kerry — who had no idea how to handle the situation. Chevy Chase should have learned from that. Even he has to know that calling the president of the United States an "F" is not going to be accepted by most Americans. Now you don't see this kind of thing on the right. You don't see prominent conservatives cursing out Democratic members of Congress, for example. Now I know talk radio can get rough but nothing like what these Hollywood nitwits are throwing out there.”

“There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "MFer, I want more iced tea." You know, I mean everybody was— it was like goin' into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb, in the sense of people were sitting there and they were ordering and having fun, and there wasn't any kinda craziness at all.”

“:Well, then you can hardly speak for her, can you?”