"Somewhere around the world someone would love to have my first world problems"

“Mother told me to be something so I'm afraid enough to stay wide awake”

“I bought a garden hose the other day. I have no idea why. I do things like that from time to time. For example, I’ll go out intending to buy cereal and come home with two Filipino hookers and an application for the Entertainment Card.”

“Good morning, sunshine, time to go.”

“Searching for those defects, talking like it's a reflex.”

“I’d love to know the future. Even if it’s just the past all dressed up to make whatever comes next look good.”

“What made you think of Valium anyway?" I said. "I don't know. Maybe it was all that Valium that I took?" she said.”