"My English teacher wanted to flunk me in Junior High...thanks a lot,next semester I'll be 35...I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler and told him to change the grade on the paper."

“How many retards'll listen to me and run up in the school shootin' when they're pissed at the teacher? "Her? Him? Is it you? Is it them?" "Wasn't me, Slim Shady said to do it again!”

“This is your moment, and every single minute you spend tryin' to hold on to it, cuz you may never get it again; so while you're in it try to get as much shit as you can and when your run is over just admit when it's at its end.”

“Yo! His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already — Mom's spaghetti.”

“I just remembered that I'm absent minded... wait, I mean I lost my mind, I can't find it.”

“I make music to make you sick of fake music — hate music like devil worshippin' Satan music. So say your prayers — your Hail Mary's and Jesuses. Take two sticks, tape 'em together and make a crucifix.”

“Smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink. Jump behind the wheel like it was still legal!”