"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you."

“Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.”

“My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?”

“As far as I could discover, the notion that a play could succeed without any further help from the actor than a simple impersonation of his part never occurred to Tree.”

“A charming fellow, and so clever: he models himself on me.”

“It is difficult to live up to one's posters…When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.”

“A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one.”