"You should live your life with an emphasis on accruing experiences and becoming cooler."

“If I am not doing something illicit, I feel absolutely naked.”

“People often ask me, "Jack, you're old. How do you manage to get out of the house and be so outraged and hop up and down so very often?" And of course, I respond, "Could you lend me ten bucks so I can buy some drugs?”

“Trouble is a great deal of fun, and crimes committed without malice are usually forgiven among peers.”

“My favorite wine is usually whatever is right in front of me.”

“Interviewer says "How do you become a member of the World/Inferno Friendship Society?”

“Money should never be the reason you ever do or don't do anything. I haven't paid rent in 3 months.”