"Friend us on Facebook!" is a social media strategy like "Buy me a malt liquor!" is a charitable giving plan."

“If you need to appear on an internet list to know whether you're someone's friend, you may have problems a computer can't solve.”

“If you don't want a little moisture on the mattress, maybe you shouldn't have gone to the bar.”

“You sit around and you go, “Oh, I hope people like me, and I hope they friend me, and I hope they do all this superficial stuff that doesn't cost anything.” But what you really want is to not suck enough that people that you really admire wouldn't mind doing something with you.”

“It’s just that it’s mind-boggling to me how many people I encounter every day who are struggling to subsist on a diet of bad advice about fake solutions to nonexistent problems.”

“People either make things or they don’t. Inspiration is a poster.”

“Thing is: the internet’s made of IP addresses, opinions, and assholes. It’s what’s there. That’s the basic equipment.”