"Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her."

“France may claim the happiest marriages in the world, but the happiest divorces in the world are "made in America".”

“When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.”

“Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who flirts with him wants him to kiss her—when, nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?”

“What a man calls his "conscience" is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.”

“Telling lies is a fault in a boy, an art in a lover, an accomplishment in a bachelor, and second-nature in a married man.”

“Some women can be fooled all of the time, and all women can be fooled some of the time, but the same woman can't be fooled by the same man in the same way more than half of the time.”