"Here's a song I made up while I was watching Xena the Warrior Princess with the sound off. It's a fact. I had a secret crush on Xena. It was a secret to me too. I wouldn't admit it. She's pretty fuckin' tough. She has a good yell... she kills the stupid gladiators with the log-trap. Release the log-trap! She releases the log-trap and they all get... crushed. They'd all wanna be with her if they could, but unfortunately they're not on her side. It's a lot better with the sound off. Really, it is. And the song didn't have anything to do with Xena... but... I was about half a bottle through Jameson's... if that makes any sense."

“Wearing clothes that clashWondering 'is this treasure, is this trash?'Still trying to decide”

“Next door, the TV's flashingblue frames on the wall.It's a comedy from the seventieswith a lead no one recalls.He vanished into oblivionit's easy to doand I cried a sea when you talked to methe day you said we were through.But it's all right, some enchanted nightI'll be with you”

“I think the music business will eventually crush me, but I ... I'm ready.”

“Haven't laughed this hard in a long timeI better stop now before I start cryingGo off to sleep in the sunshineI don't want to see the day when its dying.”

“Drink up, baby, look at the starsI'll kiss you againBetween the barsWhere I'm seeing you thereWith your hands in the airWaiting to finally be caughtDrink up one more time and I'll make you mine...”

“London Bridge is safe and soundNo matter what you keep repeatingNothing's gonna drag me downTo a death that's not worth cheating”