"No one has ever gone broke underestimating the insecurities of the gay and lesbian consumer."

“Every American may have equal access to ice cream, but there's no guarantee that the outcome of eating ice cream will be equal.”

“Natural isn't something I get called a lot in Texas.”

“I wasn't going to argue with a German about the psychology of a forced march – not even a guiltless German.”

“The butt is not a magical place that only gay people can visit, like a leather bar or the Liberace Museum.”

“So while gun owners are always saying that owning guns is about defending freedom, the only freedom gun owners seem interested in defending with their guns is the freedom to defend their freedom to own guns.”

“But just because we're conditioned to view some things as disgusting and immoral doesn't mean that some things aren't, in actual point of fact, disgusting and immoral. Human sacrifice, for instance. Or cannibalism. Or Ann Coulter.”