"The host is pathetic! The show is pathetic! The audience is pathetic!"

“Sinitta and Jackie are my family now. I don't think of them as ex-girlfriends anymore. They are an extension of my life... It must be infuriating, but I'd never change because my ex-girlfriends are so close I couldn't imagine life without them.”

“If I tape an 11-hour day, guess which parts end up on air. Not the bits when I'm pleasant, but the parts when I'm obnoxious.”

“Normally, they want me to be rude to them. People come up to me and sing, and I say "That was great. Thank you." And they're like "Well, aren't you going to be rude to me?" No! When I miss auditions, contestants get upset that I'm not there, because they expect me to be cruel to them — it's some sort of badge of honor. That's how crazy everything is.”

“You know Paula, who I couldn't look at the beginning of the series... I love her to death now. I hate to admit it but I do.”

“I changed my diet and I’ve not looked back since. You feel better, you look better. I cut out a lot of the stuff I shouldn’t have been eating and that was primarily meat, dairy, wheat, sugar — those were the four main things. … Once you get into a pattern I’ve found it quite enjoyable. It has helped me sleep and I wake up feeling less tired. I noticed a massive difference in how I felt in about a week. I have more energy and focus and it wasn’t difficult. I don’t like to use the word diet because that’s the reason I never went on a diet before — the word diet makes me miserable.”

“Very simple. I'm putting up the money, and I also have ears.”