"Normally, they want me to be rude to them. People come up to me and sing, and I say "That was great. Thank you." And they're like "Well, aren't you going to be rude to me?" No! When I miss auditions, contestants get upset that I'm not there, because they expect me to be cruel to them — it's some sort of badge of honor. That's how crazy everything is."

“Sinitta and Jackie are my family now. I don't think of them as ex-girlfriends anymore. They are an extension of my life... It must be infuriating, but I'd never change because my ex-girlfriends are so close I couldn't imagine life without them.”

“If I tape an 11-hour day, guess which parts end up on air. Not the bits when I'm pleasant, but the parts when I'm obnoxious.”

“You know Paula, who I couldn't look at the beginning of the series... I love her to death now. I hate to admit it but I do.”

“The host is pathetic! The show is pathetic! The audience is pathetic!”

“I changed my diet and I’ve not looked back since. You feel better, you look better. I cut out a lot of the stuff I shouldn’t have been eating and that was primarily meat, dairy, wheat, sugar — those were the four main things. … Once you get into a pattern I’ve found it quite enjoyable. It has helped me sleep and I wake up feeling less tired. I noticed a massive difference in how I felt in about a week. I have more energy and focus and it wasn’t difficult. I don’t like to use the word diet because that’s the reason I never went on a diet before — the word diet makes me miserable.”

“Very simple. I'm putting up the money, and I also have ears.”