"Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either."

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More by Evan Esar

“An alert copyreader on a newspaper couldn’t believe it when he read a reporter’s account of the theft of 2025 pigs. That’s a lot of pigs, he thought, and called the farmer to check the copy. “Is it true that you lost 2025 pigs?” he asked. “Yeth,” lisped the farmer. “Thanks,” returned the copyreader, and corrected the story to read “two sows and 25 pigs.”

“Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.”

“The personal comparative is marked by epigrammatic self-satire. It implies that everyone thinks himself better than anyone else, but only the egoist says so.”

“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.”

“The history of humorous writing discloses everchanging trends. Our fast-paced modern living is too impatient for the lengthy light verse and the leisurely essays of our forefathers.”

Resonant Thoughts

"If evolutionary selection is the basis for a belief in profit maximization, 'then we should postulate that basis itself and not the profit maximization which it implies in certain circumstances."

— Tjalling Koopmans

Mathematics1910–1985

#faith

"Unable to grasp the importance of Black women’s intersectional experiences, not only courts, but feminist and civil rights thinkers as well have treated Black women in ways that deny both the unique c…"

— Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw

Education1959

#justice

"My faith is the faith of my fathers - I will be true to them and to my beliefs. Some believe that such a confession of my faith will sink my candidacy. If they are right, so be it. But I think they un…"

— Mitt Romney

Politics1947

#faith