"people come up to me and say, "I will never use the bathroom. I will never shit" and i gotta tell them pal, sooner or later youre gonna shit"

“go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse”

“theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling”

“Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that”

“turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right”

“You may have heard of a character from the batman movies, called the Joker. The joker just lives a normal life like you or me, going to the grocery store, and the office or what have you. But WHen the joker puts his mask on, he becomes the joker, and he mercilessly goes out there and gets Paid. Thats what I try to do in my life and the way I live life, and I do do it every day, and it is the essence of understanding my pain.”

“user named " beavis_sinatra " has been terrorizing me since 2004, by sending me pictures of cups that are too close to the edge of the table”