"Apparently it's my fault that the Titanic sank."

“Why haven't they got cameras? The officials can speak to each other easily enough now. Why aren't we using laptops that are linked up and can give a decision in five seconds? A chimpanzee could do it - with not much training. We might as well go back to being cavemen, grab our girl by the hair, drag her into the cave whether she wants to come in or not because we may as well live in that age. We've come forward, haven't we?”

“We're like a bad tea-bag - we never stay in the Cup that long" - reacting to his QPR side's defeat in the League Cup to Aston Villa in September 2004.”

“Reporter: Ian, have you got any injury worries? Holloway: No, I'm fully fit, thank you.”

““In football you need to have everything in your cake mix to make the cake taste right. One little bit of ingredient that Tony uses in his cake gets talked about all the time is Rory’s throw. Call that cinnamon and he’s got a cinnamon flavoured cake. It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s only a small part of what he does.”

“In the first-half we were like the Dog and Duck, in the second-half we were like Real Madrid. We can't go on like that. At full-time I was at them like an irritated Jack Russell.”

“I'd rather do that than build chicken sheds no-one wanted!”