Carl Barron

"I hate dates. I sit at home all day, and I don't fart once. I go on a date and I've got twenty in the bank straight away."

"Do you do those secret farts at the supermarket. Quickly piss off to another aisle."

"I saw a bloke the other day talking to himself. So I tried to listen but I couldn't hear him. But the weird part is while I was watching him I was going "That bloke's bloody talkin' to himself over th…"

"My dad was proud of himself when he farted. He sounds like he's strangling a chicken when he farts."

"I love tea. Mmmm. I know I'm getting old because I'm startin' get excited about tea. Just sitting in the loungeroom bored ya no. Somebody goes "You want a cup of tea?" and I go "Oar he hor." Start fee…"

"You know those people who let their yawn out and they keep talkin'. "Yeah Tuesday would be pretty good " "Yeah no worries."

"I'll never forget the day my mum said "Carl when I was your age I used to go to the movies with a bottle of water and some Sao's." I was thinking "Shit. Mum's a loser." Imagine trying to crack onto so…"

"Sometimes you're talkin' and a little bit of spit flies out. You see it floating in the sky and land on 'em. You both see it happen and you go "Ooooh" you're thinkin' "Woops I got him!" He's thinking …"