"If you tell the truth, you don't have to have a good memory. If you lie, you're always tripping over your own tie."

“to a young woman who was being sued by her aunt for a loan for breast augmentation: And instead of her paying it back every month, you should pay it back every month - certainly you don't go in and get bigger breasts while somebody is sitting there paying back money that they "gave" to you during the course of an emergency! And I don't care if she's harassing you and your family, because quite frankly, you deserve to be harassed! Judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $3500, that's all.”

“to a defendant raising his hand to speak while plaintiff is speaking: You wanna lose, fast?”

“Oh, sit down! You're as dumb as he is!”

“to a defendant who called the plaintiff a "witch" after the judge ruled in the plaintiff's favor: You gotta learn to behave yourself, madam. I have a feeling you have a pretty hot temper - not as hot as mine. That's all - out!”

“Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger.”

“DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face?”