"Come, on, EMPTY-V!! far as I'm concerned, Beavis and Butt-head and Dora are the only two good things you ever DID! But can't you think of a better way to raise audience awareness of domestic violence, than to make it look COOL?"

“What does it say about our country when people are so desperate for an alternative to our one-party state masquerading as a two-party state that they'll even elect a professional wrestler governor?”

“George H. W. Bush - "King George the 1st" - Beyond the Valley of the Gift Police”

“Ronald Reagan - "Grandpa Caligula"; "Ronald McReagan" - No More Coccoons”

“Jimi Hendrix once said, 'You will never hear surf music again.' Well, tonight, you will hear 'serf' music again -- S-E-R-F music.”

“We don't need a flat tax, but a flattening tax, to truly level the playing field.”

“Buy my soda!" said the Moose Diarrhea Salesman. And we did. We all did. But when we got it home and opened up the package, it was not what they said it was. And rather than chucking it all and searching for something better, we're content with looking for another Moose Diarrhea Salesman.”