"We don't say to women, "what do you mean you had a three way with two girls and a guy and you ate her pussy a little bit. You must be a lesbian." But we say to guys, "you mean you . You must be a fag."… Straight male sexuality is all about this paranoia about am I feminine or am I gay. So the man who allows himself to do something perceived as womanly or faggoty is not a man anymore."

“Every American may have equal access to ice cream, but there's no guarantee that the outcome of eating ice cream will be equal.”

“Natural isn't something I get called a lot in Texas.”

“I wasn't going to argue with a German about the psychology of a forced march – not even a guiltless German.”

“The butt is not a magical place that only gay people can visit, like a leather bar or the Liberace Museum.”

“So while gun owners are always saying that owning guns is about defending freedom, the only freedom gun owners seem interested in defending with their guns is the freedom to defend their freedom to own guns.”

“But just because we're conditioned to view some things as disgusting and immoral doesn't mean that some things aren't, in actual point of fact, disgusting and immoral. Human sacrifice, for instance. Or cannibalism. Or Ann Coulter.”