"A better plan would be to head straight for Bart's Guide to London, since that's hugely entertaining and witty, i.e. written by me."

“As part of my current charge I have been instructed to provide an occasional journal of my recent activities*.”

“Together, we must advance unafraid into the modern age!”

“The boy did the preliminaries, sealing the circles, erecting the bonds. Now we were all subject to the rules of the summoning. But then he stopped. He did not progress. The woman looked at him furiously. "I've forgotten it," he said.”

“Perhaps he'd want me to conjure up an illusion. That might be fun: there was bound to be a way of misinterpreting his request and upsetting him†.”

“Woken up, have you?" the woman said. Her voice was like broken glass in an ice bucket.†”

“I'm only introducing it because of a small sub-clause in an Official Charge that escaped my notice a year or two back. Unfortunately the author didn't forget. Like elephants, authors are – nothing contractual escapes them.”