Jonathan Stroud

"No magical alarm sounded, though I did hit my head five times on a pebble†."

"In the middle of the lawn was a lake adorned with an ornamental fountain, depicting an amorous Greek god trying to kiss a dolphin.†"

"he magician emerges from bed and we recount our tale. Her response lacks gratitude: stammering furiously, she chides us for the damage to her lawns and flowerbed. The boy is smacked; I am Spasmed; we …"

"Remember this." he said in a soft voice. "Demons are very wicked. They will hurt you if they can. Do you understand this?"

"So I departed, leaving behind a pungent smell of brimstone. Just something to remember me by."

"I'm only introducing it because of a small sub-clause in an Official Charge that escaped my notice a year or two back. Unfortunately the author didn't forget. Like elephants, authors are – nothing con…"

"As part of my current charge I have been instructed to provide an occasional journal of my recent activities*."

"A better plan would be to head straight for Bart's Guide to London, since that's hugely entertaining and witty, i.e. written by me."