"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

“My First Day In Hell" short piece in The New Yorker”

“In Praise of the Human Body" short piece for Outside”

“TO ME, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.”

“What I'd Say To The Martians" short piece in The New Yorker”

“IF YOU ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.”

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.”