Robert Orben

"Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years."

"Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?"

"The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it."

"A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in."

"Did you ever figure to be living in a time when your check is good, but the bank bounces?"

"Very few people ever meet celebrities. All we really know is what we read about them and the most memorable lines are jokes. That's how we tend to define what we think of a public figure."

"A young person today has a nanosecond attention span, so whatever you do in a humor has to be short. Younger people do not wait for anything that takes time to develop. We're going totally to one-line…"

"The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world."