"The guy with the whale tusk is a Polish chef named Luckasz."

“As I've said before, I’m ashamed of some of the inappropriate language I used in The Sun thirty years ago about gay stars. They were different times, but that’s no excuse – it was offensive, it was wrong, and I apologise for it.”

“The liberals get what they want, which is a humorless void where nothing happens, where no one dare do anything, or laugh about anything, or behave in any way that doesn't suit their rigid way of leading a life. No thanks.”

“Liberals have become utterly, pathetically illiberal and it’s a massive problem. What’s the point of calling yourself a liberal if you don’t allow anyone else to have a different view? You know, this snowflake culture we operate in, this victimhood culture that everyone, has to think in a certain way, behave a certain way. Everyone has to have a bleeding heart… You say a joke 10 years ago that offended somebody you can never host the Oscars… So what’s happening around the world? Populism is rising because people are fed up with the PC culture. They’re fed up with the snowflake culture. They’re fed up with everyone being offended by everything… They just want to tell people, not just how to lead their life but if you don’t lead it the way I tell you to. It’s a kind of version of fascism.”

“There are many different ways of categorizing news. It doesn't have to be just war and famine and serious politics.”

“Tony Blair is a decent man who genuinely thinks what he is doing is justified. But when he sees men such as George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld smirking and boasting as they announce their Shock and Awe offensive, we hope he understands why we believe we have been dragged into something we should have been fighting tooth and nail to stop.”

“Don't chase women, they will chase you… They are like horses in a pasture: if you don't go drooling over her, she is going to want to know why.”