"Tolkien's dead. J. K. Rowling said no. Philip Pullman couldn't make it. Hi, I'm Terry Pratchett."

“My programming language was solder.”

“The sign outside the shop said Apothecary, which meant that the shop was owned by a sort of early chemist, who would give you herbs and things until you got better or at least stopped getting any worse.”

“Mort isn't fashionable UK movie material -- there're no parts in it for Hugh or Emma, it's not set in Sheffield, and no one shoves drugs up their bum...”

“Out of Print" is bookseller speak for "We can't be hedgehogged.”

“If I heeded all the advice I've had over the years, I'd have written 18 books about Rincewind.”

“I always thought Detritus would be good at: "I bet you're wondrin' how many time I fired dis crossbow”