Chuck Klosterman

"Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you."

"Were there really this many women in 1985 saying to their husbands, "Gee, honey, I'd love to have random strangers masturbate to a jpeg image of me deepthroating a titanium dildo, but there's no mediu…"

"People who barely know the two of you assume you are close friends; people who know both of you intimately suspect you profoundly hate each other."

"The satisfaction you feel from your own success pales in comparison to the despair you feel from this person's personal triumphs, even if those triumphs are completely unrelated to your life."

"Within the context of life, I am the centrist pragmatist who doesn't even vote; within the context of sports, I am a potential war criminal."

"Every time you talk to this person, you lie."

"Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living."

"Whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relat…"