Joey Comeau

"I've always known I'd be a bank robber. So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. Because you never did become an astronaut."

"You've spent every penny going out for adventures, and you expect the people back home to be your safety net. I know that, but again and again I get restless, and I need to just sell everything and ta…"

"Sometimes Margaret tells herself that there's a moral difference between killing kittens for no reason and what she does."

"I have a form of ESP that allows me to consistently pick losing lottery numbers, and generally make poor life choices."

"I'd rather die terrified than live forever."

"The depression and suicidal fantasies of three years ago are nothing but a memory to me now."

"We need a new Mario game where you rescue the princess in the first ten minutes, and for the rest of the game you try to push down that sick feeling in your stomach telling you she's "damaged goods," …"

"I had a shirt made up that says, "I consistently make poor life choices." The shirt was not very popular."