Donald Trump on Humor

"I said, 'General, there's no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. I have no railing.'"

"We've done much better than most. And with the fatality rate at a lower rate than most, it's something that we can talk about."

"It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country."

"Big problems and discrepancies with Mail In Ballots all over the USA. Must have final total on November 3rd"

"All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected."

"I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special interest. I have no lobbyists."

"You have a problem with ISIS. You have a bigger problem with China. And, in my opinion, the new China, believe it or not, in terms of trade, is Mexico."

"The phoney electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!"

"If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you."

"President Obama has weakened our military by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive debt, low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders."

"The border with the Sahara can't be bigger than ours with Mexico."

"He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda."

"I'd say we've had a lot of problems with radical Islamic terrorism. That's what I'd say. We have a lot of problems. ... I'd say you've got to take a look at that, because something is going on. And it's not good."

"Saudi Arabia without us is gone. They're gone."

"Donald Trumpin Twitter-tili"

"I disagreed with doing this very small section of wall, in a tricky area, by a private group which raised money by ads. It was only done to make me look bad, and perhsps it now doesn't even work. Should have been built like rest of Wall, 500 plus miles."

"I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK."

"If I'm ISIS, I call her up and I give her the most valuable player award. ... And I guarantee you with Libya, which was her baby, and all of the other mistakes she has made. Obama takes now, because obviously, for him, that's the better alternative, all right? But he has been an incompetent president. He has done a horrible job."

"She says the solution is to ban guns. They tried that in France which has among the toughest gun laws anywhere in the world, and 130 people were brutally murdered by Islamic terrorists in cold blood. Her plan is to disarm law abiding Americans, abolishing the Second Amendment, and leaving only the bad guys and terrorists with guns. No good. Not going to happen, folks. ... She wants to take away American's guns and then admit the very people who want to slaughter us. Let them come into the country, we don't have guns. Let them come in, let them have all the fun they want."