Jerry Seinfeld on Humor

"A lot of comedy sounds like you're driving to a point of logic or perspective, and you're really just setting up a joke!"

"Working with the cast was pure heaven for me. We were as well suited to each other as it seems when you watch the show."

"I do have a bucket list. And I looked at the list, and then, I decided to turn the B an F, and I was done with it."

"Funny is the-- is the world that I live in. You're funny? I'm interested. You're not funny? I'm not interested."

"That's the greatest thing about comedy. If you've got talent, it's unmistakable. No one misses it and you don't have to wait around for a break."

"I like jokes and laughing more than anything. Everybody has an appetite for a different thing. And comedy is something that I have an endless appetite for."

"A cat is a small sneaky animal that manages to get by without any real relationships."

"What's wrong with ? If there's no vanity, that's the end of show business."

"There was a tone we set with the writing staff -- that Larry set -- that it had to be original; it had to be unique. It-- it had to be something very funny and very fresh."

"If you want to be funny, you've got to have energy. Energy sells jokes. All sales requires energy, but stand-up is a hard sell. I'm sellin' you somethin' you don't even need!"

"I would say that I am 90% serious in my day. Comedy is no joke."

"Never try and make a comedian laugh with one of his own jokes."

"Here's the other big secret of comedy: the audience writes most of it. You kind of give them what you think is funny, and they "grade" your work, second to second. "Good word", "bad word."

"The comedy universe is a swamp of madness."

"Comedy is more personal than food."

"Being funny has not that much to do with what a great comedy act is about. A great comedy act is a machine that's built. Being funny is the fuel, but you gotta have a whole machine to burn it, and that's the act."

"What A Joke" Radio Show"

"I used to sit in my room at... let's see: how old-- I was ten years old... playing albums and just crying laughing, and just in wonderment at what he was doing, and just-- that I had never heard somebody be so funny before."

"A great joke and a great car: everything on it works. And there's nothing excessive that doesn't make sense or doesn't need to be there. To me, the Speedster and a great piece of comedy are identical: they're perfectly minimalized ideas."

"Once I'm done with bit, it either goes in the garbage or the accordion folder. Those are the only two destinations. And then it's in the air. It has to survive on its own. Bits are like turtles right after they hatch, running to the beach."

"The thing about is that you have to realize that I had to look into the faces of those people, six inches away, so if you think Kramer is funny on TV, imagine his real face six inches from your nose, how funny that is. You can't imagine. It's impossible not to laugh. So I would."

"When I heard that they were going to do a sitcom with a secret agent who was funny, that it was going to be a comedy secret agent TV show, and it was going to be called "Get Smart," the back of my head blew off. So that was really my favorite show when I was a kid."

"I think people like a little more "personal revelation" in their comedy. And that's fine! They have-- There's three generations behind me doin' it. But my thing is: I want a number of jokes of a certain quality, and laughs. I want the room to just be ringin with laughs."

"When I started out in comedy in the 70s, if you didn't do clean humor you weren't getting on TV, so I started doing that so I could be on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. And then when I saw what other people were doing, I just always wanted to be a little different."

"I pretty much engage with funny people, or weird people, or, y'know, kind of "off" people. Anybody who's a little normal -- even just take, let's say, a normal actor or actress -- I'm lost. I got nothin'. I'm not curious; I'm not interested. You got a show? I don't care."

"I'm very impressed with this seedless watermelon product that they have for us. They've done it! We now have seedless watermelon. Pretty amazing! What are they planting to grow the seedless watermelon, I wonder? The melons aren't humpin', are they? They must be plantin' somethin'!"

"There's no "putting an act together". Okay? A stand-up comedian is an act. You are an act. You breathe and live an act. It's not assembled; it's not-- This is not Hello, Dolly!. It's constant, it's organic; you live inside it. It's like a snow globe. Comedy is a snow globe. You live in it."

"I thought "This is the pinnacle of life, to me: if could do this-- y'know, if could stand up on stage and make people laugh, that would be the ultimate accomplishment of my personality!" And I just thought "Laughs! To be working with laughs and jokes all the time: what a fun life that would be!"

"I don't do movies because I think generally the size of that content does not lend itself to great comedy; it lends itself to people saying, "Hey, I made a movie." To me, the funniest things are shorter, so I think TV series or comedians in cars, I think I have a better chance of making you laugh."

"Comedy -- and show business -- is-- look: either I win, or you win. There's no truce! Same thing with television: I knew that -- I knew-- look: either you're gonna kill me, or I'm gonna kill you. And after nine years, I was still killin' that series, but that series would eventually have killed me."