Jerry Seinfeld on Justice

"The fact is: almost everything is funny. You just have to have a way of looking at it."

"Get bigger! Don't just play to the people that get you. Play to the people that don't get you, and you'll get better!"

"Larry and I just had that great cross filter: if both of us kind of related to in some way, it seemed to work."

"What is the handicap parking situation at the Special Olympics? They must have to just stack like a hundred cars into those two spots."

"I always describe my upbringing as "benign neglect": that I was-- I really felt like my parents were just letting me live there 'til I grew up."

"I could talk about comedy a lot, but I think it's kind of like talking about sex: you can do any fancy dive you want, it's just a foot of water."

"Comedy is the closest thing to justice. If you're funny, you survive; if you're not, you don't."

"Once we got , I was absolutely convinced, from then on, that nothing could really hurt the show. That it really-- It just felt like a balanced team."

"I want my comedy to be the things nobody else talks about. Not necessarily things people don't want to talk about, but just things that everybody else missed."

"Do the people that work in these little shops in the airport have any idea what the prices are every place else in the world? "Yeah, $14, tuna sandwich. We think that's fair."

"The best advice I ever got was from Rodney Dangerfield, who when I asked him a question about something in comedy, just looked at me for a second and then went, "You'll figure it out."

"One of the things that bothered me about acting is that a lot of people just say they can do it and-- and can't! There's nobody in this world that says they can do it and can't do it."

"The TV only works one way. You can't just yell at me and expect me to respond positively. You have to introduce yourself first. You can't just yell "HEY JERRY, C'MERE!" and expect that to work."

"The improvements in the engineering of cars has enabled people to express their inner asshole-ness. You think "Why are people so ill-behaved?" They're not! They just never had the tools to express it before."

"If you give someone a 50, it's a big "thing" now, where they check it quite a bit. And it's like "Well, I used it! Why can't you use it?" We're all just kind of going along with this "paper has value" scam. Right?"

"It was the back nine , was the backbreaker for us, right? You kind of figure out the first ten over the summer; you pull three more out of nowhere; and then the back nine is just-- you're Sandra Bullock in Gravity."

"I was very surprised by Festivus catching on, but I think people just like the line rhyming Festivus with "rest of us" is 90% of it. And no presents, and you don't have to buy decorations, it's just an aluminum pole."

"If you can walk to work or take your bike on a daily basis, I think that's just about the coolest thing that there is. Every morning I listen to the traffic on the radio, and they talk about how they are jammed and I just laugh."

"George never felt guilty that he was trying to cheat someone, because he had already been cheated, as far as he was concerned! He was just getting a small amount back from the casino that had already totally emptied out his bank account!"

"were all about writing. We didn't really want to hear from anybody, talk to anybody. It was just writing and-- and rehearsing. The casting was quick; editing was quick. Everything else we did very quickly, but we labored over the writing."

"It's not enough that we catch , kill them, and eat them. We want to see them in the tank as we walk into the restaurant, sweating it out. I saw one once that looked like he was attempting to clean the inside of the tank. "I just work here."

"I like the first line to be funny right away. "When I was a kid, and they invented the Pop Tart, the back of my head blew right off!" And that got the whole thing started: that a specific part of my head blew off; not just my head, but just the back."

"Men, as an organization, are getting more women than any other group working anywhere in the world today! Wherever women are, we have men looking into the situation right now. We explored the Earth looking for women... even went to the Moon just to see if there any women there. That's why we brought that little car. Why would you bring a car, unless there's some chance of going on a date?"

"You ever wonder why Silicon Valley even exists? I have always wondered, why do these people all live and work in that location? They have all this insane technology; why don't they all just spread out wherever they want to be and connect with their devices? Because it doesn't work, that's why."

"I don't think there's another TV series that you could name where the list of absolutely outstanding characters is so long. You-- you can't even begin to just say "Well, it was a show about four people"; it wasn't. I mean, they would've-- wouldn't have lasted so long -- at the level that it was at -- if it was just the four of us every week."

"We weren't really trying to gain more attention or-- We certainly weren't trying to be provocative in any way. We were just -- as any TV show is -- constantly struggling to come up with new ideas. And when you're struggling, bad ideas start to sound like good ideas. And crazy ideas start to sound like sane ideas! And that's what happened in Season 4, is a lot of crazy ideas started to make sense."

"NBC -- when we suggested that we wanted to do this one-set idea where the gang just waits for a table the entire show and never gets it -- they thought that was very static and not appealing. And they didn't like-- want us to write it, they didn't want us to film it; and after we filmed it, they held it back and didn't run it until towards the end of the season, 'cause they were so sure that this was going to really be one of the real bombs of the season."

"I'm on the plane, we left late, and the pilot says, "We're going to be making up some time in the air." I thought, "Isn't that interesting. They just make up time." That's why you have to reset your watch when you land. Of course, when they say they're making up time, obviously they're increasing the speed of the aircraft. Now my question is, if you can go faster, why don't you just go as fast as you can all the time? "Come on, there're no cops up here! Nail it! Give it some gas!"

"There are many things we can point to as proof that the human being is not smart. The helmet is my personal favorite: the fact that we had to invent the helmet. Now, why did we invent the helmet? Well, because we were participating in many activities that were crackin' our heads. We looked at the situation. We chose not to avoid these activities, but to just make little plastic hats so that we can continue our head-crackin' lifestyles. The only thing dumber than the helmet is the helmet law, the point of which is to protect a brain that is functioning so poorly, it's not even tryin' to stop the cracking of the head that it's in!"