P. G. Wodehouse on Humor

"She laughed - a solo effort. Nothing in the prevailing circumstances made me feel like turning it into a duet."

"In one second, without any previous training or upbringing, he had become the wettest man in Worcestershire."

"His aspect was that of one who has been looking for the leak in a gas pipe with a lighted candle."

"‘And shove him into a dungeon with dripping walls and see to it that he is well gnawed by rats.’"

"It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine."

"There came from without the hoof-beats of a galloping relative and Aunt Dahlia whizzed in."

"I goggled. Her words did not appear to make sense. They seemed the mere aimless vapouring of an aunt who has been sitting out in the sun without a hat."

"Never put anything on paper, my boy, and never trust a man with a small black moustache."

"He resembled a minor prophet who had been hit behind the ear with a stuffed eel-skin."

"The fellow with a face rather like a walnut."

"‘Alf Todd,’ said Ukridge, soaring to an impressive burst of imagery, ‘has about as much chance as a one-armed blind man in a dark room trying to shove a pound of melted butter into a wild-cat’s ear with a red-hot needle.’"

"Honoria, you see, is one of those robust, dynamic girls with the muscles of a welterweight and a laugh like a squadron of cavalry charging over a tin bridge. A beastly thing to face over the breakfast table. Brainy, moreover."

"As is so often the case with butlers, there was a good deal of Beach. Julius Caesar, who liked to have men about him who were fat, would have taken to him at once. He was a man who had made two chins grow where only one had been before, and his waistcoat swelled like the sail of a racing yacht."

"Nannie Bruce, a tall, gangling light-heavyweight with a suggestion in her appearance of a private in the Grenadiers dressed up to play the title role in Charley’s Aunt, was one of those doggedly faithful retainers who adhere to almost all old families like barnacles to the hulls of ships...She was as much a fixture as the stone lions or the funny smell in the attic."