Jon Stewart

"If you want to know why I’m here and what I want from you I can only assure you this: you have already given it to me. Your presence was what I wanted. Sanity will always be and has always been in the…"

"Dedication: To the huddled masses, keep yearnin'!"

"I have not found this generation to be cynical or apathetic or selfish. They are as strong and as decent as any people that I have met. And I will say this, on my way down here I stopped at Bethesda N…"

"Did you really just ask me if I want it to be bad? I have kids! What do you think? "Yeah, I don't want them to have any kind of a -- I want things to corrode to the point where we're all living in hut…"

"Little and hairy. But if want to go with smart and stylish then hey, more power to them. Good luck."

"By far the most revolutionary aspect of this new position would be who could hold it. The short answer: just about anyone. By placing no explicit race, gender, or religious requirements on the preside…"

"Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN".…"

"There are terrorists and racists and Stalinists and theocrats, but those are titles that must be earned. You must have the resume. Not being able to distinguish between real racists and tea partiers, …"