"The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain "—that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain"—that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him."

“Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.”

“Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.”

“Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.”

“Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.”

“Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.”

“An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.”