"Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!"

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“I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed.”

“Mom, I have something to tell you. My thong, is so far up my crack right now.”

“You're not driving my car anymore Mum, I'm sorry.”

“You don't go to someone's father, "I don't like the redness in your hair". It's fucking rude. I would never go to her father, "Oh, I don't like the baldness, maybe you should get a fucking tupee.”

“She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii.”

“My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business.”

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