"One musn’t be misled by the amiable, bumbling persona. He is a toughly intelligent man moving confidently in any kind of surroundings from Windsor Castle to Birdland."

“Coincidence is a wonderful thing.”

“Now it's time to play a brand new game called Name That Barcode. Here's the first one: "Thick black, thin white, thick black, thick white, thick black, thin white." OK who's going to identify that?”

“After tasting the meat pies, Samantha said she liked Mr Dewhurst’s beef in ale; although she preferred his tongue in cider.”

“An interviewer had researched Lyttelton's other interests and asked him about "orthinology" . Lyttelton said that he kept a straight face and answered the question but 24 hours later thought of what he should have replied: "Oh, you mean word-botching.”

“Well as the vanquished charwoman of time begins to Shake-n-Vac the shagpile of eternity, I've noticed that we've just run out of time...”