"BB: So, who here has a guinea pig?Various Audience Members cheerBB: What kind of guinea pig? Muffled suggestions from audience members BB: Nah, you're not serious about it! "I dunno, some brown thing...". So what breed? Audience Member: Crested! BB: A what? A crusty...a crusty guinea pig? I think you should take it to the vet as soon as possible! "Gah, it's crusting over again, it's crusting up Captain!!" Ah, crested? What you have there is a newt I think, madam! Some bloke in a pub sold you that! "Yeah, that's a crested guinea pig, they're lovely, them..."

“But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like "Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!”

“Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.”

“BB: So, what form did these experiences take?Audience Member: Swimming with dolphins! BB: Dolby? What, you hear everything with a slightly reduced hiss? I like to hear the world in Dolby, it's fantastic! Mind you, it means that no snake will I ever hear. And I said that in a very strange way. No snake will I ever hear, mmm! Never put Dolby on snake detectors, that's what we must remember.”

“Daddy, turn it off, it's spoiling my brain”

“God, I'm in the same studio as de Burgh! He may have stood right where I'm standing now... and just thought his mad thoughts. Like "I am brilliant.”

“It's always been my long-held belief that eventually insects will take over the world.”