"Jack, you have like serious anger management issues."

“I don't really care what people think about my hair. It's my hair, so why should they care? Ooh, that rhymed.”

“Mom, I have something to tell you. My thong, is so far up my crack right now.”

“Jack, stop telling people you're Ozzy Osbourne's son to get into places, you're a fucking loser!”

“You're not driving my car anymore Mum, I'm sorry.”

“You don't go to someone's father, "I don't like the redness in your hair". It's fucking rude. I would never go to her father, "Oh, I don't like the baldness, maybe you should get a fucking tupee.”

“She's pissing in the bottle....just like she shit in Dad's bag of weed in Hawaii.”